Lovies

Day 9, Thursday: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)

Jack LOVES lovies. Each night he is tucked in with TWO blankies, his "woof woof" (stuffed dog), and his baby. Each morning he wakes up and has to take each one with him downstairs. 

I love watching him cuddle his lovies - he has a such a sweet and nurturing soul, as a parent I hope to foster that and help it to grow with him. 

 

Loss

Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

I've written about this before, and I don't want to dwell because it's dark and dreary! (My past post about fear of loss can be found here.)

What scares me most is losing those I love. I have seen death in many ways. In young and old, tragic and anticipated. I feel blessed enough to have those closest to me still with me here in this world. I also have faith that those who have left are in a place of endless love and comfort. However, I still get scared. 

My anxiety is one that I try to calm through prayer.  I try to make each day count with my loved ones, I try to ensure that those close to me know and feel my love. I do not get to choose or say who gets to stay here with me, I just get to trust!

Mom Group Failure

Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable

Yesterday I planned to block off our morning/early afternoon for a trip to the local playground, a "picnic" lunch, and some ice cream. I would love to say I thought up this special little adventure all on my own, but in reality it was a mom's group "meet up". 

I tried the whole mom group thing when we first moved here. But Jack was too little to participate in most of the activities so it was a bust. This summer I thought it would be a great way to get us out and doing stuff when I am stumped/bored/longing for adult conversation. 

So, yesterday... the "event" started at 10. I figured we could show up between 10:30 and 11, you know, fashionably late and all. But I dragged my feet. Excuse my language, but that shit is awkward. I really didn't want to go. I knew I should go, but, well, staying in my sweats sounded better. 

I finally forced myself to get ready, pack a lunch for Jack and load into the car at 10 to noon. You should all be shocked that by the time I got there the playground was swamped (hello 80 degree weather in May in MICHIGAN). I couldn't tell who was the mom's group and who was "normal". 

I followed Jack around the playground awkwardly toting my purse and his lunch bag. I would spot a potential "mom friend" and immediately become the most awkward human you have ever met. At one point I was standing next to another mom and Jack slammed his head into a metal pole and fell flat on his back. The mom next to me said "Oh!" all concerned like and I started laughing. Yup, I laughed. Then said, "Might as well laugh and see if he decides it's worth crying about." He didn't think it was worth it and moved on, and so did the other mom. Whomp, whomp. 

Making friends really makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why. I think I'm fine if I already know somebody, but on my own I just can't make it click. I will keep trying. Perhaps I will go on time to the next group meeting... but until then, I'll just be awkward mom in the corner- heyyyyyyyy

Lets hope Jack has better social skills than his mother. 

P.S. I decided to do this challenge, but I am leaving for a LONG vacation TODAY! We are headed to Indy for my cousin's wedding then will be CARIBBEAN BOUND! We are spending Monday-Monday in St. John in the USVI with my whole family :) I may not be blogging every day, but I am going to try and get a few scheduled posts for the prompts :) Wish us luck travelling with a very busy toddler!!!

I'm Good at Loving You

Blog Every Day in May: Day 2, Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. 

Dear Jack, 

It's been a while since I've written just for you. I think there are a lot of things I do well, but the thing I do best? Love you. I may not be great at discipline or patience. I may not always be the best playmate or chef. Sometimes I fail you and I can only imagine that this will happen more and more as you get older, but just know that the best thing I do every day is love you. 

There really isn't much baby left on you. Other than that buddha belly you stick out with pride, any trace of baby fat has given way to little boy limbs and big boy attitude. Still, there has not been one day where you do not bring a smile to my face. 

There may be some days where I throw my hands up and say, "Today, I will not win." Days where tantrums and naughtiness fill up the hours and my frustration level exceeds my ability to see past the moment. But despite our bad days, little boy of mine, you never fail to make my heart grow with more love for you. 

This morning you climbed into my lap. You rested your head on my shoulder and tucked your legs into a tiny little pretzel shaped nugget of snuggles. We talked about our big trips coming up. You asked where Da-Da was. Then you pointed to me and said, "Mommy!" and pointed to yourself and said, "Jack!" I excitedly exclaimed "good job!" and "smart boy!"and you smiled and puffed out your chest a little in pride. I live for those moments. I hope to make you feel that way the rest of my days. 

I may not be the best at parenting - but I am the best at loving you. 

The Story of My Life

This month I will be participating in the Blog Every Day in May challenge. I'm hoping it will help get me back in the groove. Wish me luck!

Day 1, Wednesday: The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)

Most of my readers know my story – the one that started when I started this blog, but I suppose the first 22 years haven't been touched on much!

I was born in the morning on a day in mid May of 1989. I joined too older sisters, and my younger brother followed 19 months later. My parents were (and still are) crazy in love and showed me that marriage is beautiful yet hard, and so very worth it. We lived in a faux small town in West Michigan where I graduated with over 700 people. If you screwed up, the whole town knew about it within 2 days. Growing up, I was sassy and outspoken. I was once seen stomping around our backyard, alone, carrying a book and saying “this is MY book, this will never be your book, it will always be my book.” (remember the part of that story where I said I was alone?) I didn't really come into my own until college. Those first 18 years I managed. I attempted to be good at EVERY sport, but my lack of coordination and short attention span for being competitive made it a “just for fun” activity. I spent high school singing in the choir and following around my boyfriend. After “the worst break up ever” high school was over for me (too bad that was when I was 16). I just wanted a fresh start and longed to move away. College years were spent at the best place on Earth, MSU. I could fill up an infinite amount of pages with words about the friendships, bad decisions, and times to remember from college. It all went by so fast! The biggest lesson I learned in that time is that you don't always get to choose or plan. That lesson has more than led me to today. I couldn't be happier with this life of mine!

Okay, so I went over (because I know you all counted!) It's kind of strange to see your “story” summed up into one little paragraph... what's your story?  

Reprising My Role as SAHM

On Friday afternoon I turned in my keys and said goodbye to my role as "Adoption Worker". I ended my year peeking into the world of child welfare as intern extraordinaire and felt okay about closing that door.

My first year of grad school is over and it's more sweet than bitter. This wife/student/mama business is tough work, but I am grateful for the year of learning, friendship making, and relationship strengthening. Feeling this much closer to my personal career goals is pretty empowering.

But here we are. My first Monday as a stay-at-home-mama May to September. I've been in this role before, but it all feels a little different now. The 12-month-old baby I dreaded taking to day care is now a spirited almost 2-year-old with a lot of energy and even more mobility. 

I'm terrified! I legit feel like I do not know how to do this anymore. Our first day has us thrown back into a bit of a time warp, where we are still in our jammies and the house is a hot mess. I am determined to not let me summer fill up with days like today! 

We are hoping to start Jack in preschool this fall and that means structure in his life is going to take on a whole new meaning. So this SAHM life of mine will be dedicated to getting him ready, while having LOTS of fun along the way. 

Zoo trips, museums, playgrounds, oh-my! We are going to do it all! Maybe I'll even make a mom friend (or two!) along the way... I want to fill up these days and months with smiles, laughter, and a lot of memories. 

Keep an eye out for fun toddler activities that Jack and I will be trying out. Wish me luck as I brush off the cobwebs and embrace this full-time mama role once again! 

With a little boy as cute as this, it really can't be that hard... right?

Kayla, According to John

Okay, I saw Becky post about this and I knew I had to ask John to participate. Me from my husband's perspective? I couldn't resist the chance to see myself through his eyes - and I am not surprised that almost every fact he wrote had me laughing. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did :) 

Facts of Kayla according to John:

10 Facts about Kayla. A day.

1. The minute I wake up in the morning she takes over the entire bed, and not a single f**k will be given until Jack is up for the day.

2. She insists I give her a kiss and tell her I love her before I leave for work, no matter how asleep she is, and she is furious if I forget. (she also kisses me and tells me she loves me, every morning, no matter how asleep she is)

3. She never drinks her coffee hot, she waits at least 10-15 minutes before she will touch it... She likes her coffee lukewarm. Gross.

4. She claims to wear something Pink everyday... and technically this is true. But only because she has a pink tattoo!!

5. She has a 1 hour commute to school, which would absolutely kill me. She doesn't mind the drive though, apparently she had lots of road trips to her brother's hockey tournaments as a kid. She says I'm a wuss when I complain about my commute.

6. I have never seen Kayla in class - but I can almost guarantee she is the girl in class that all the professors love, and everyone sitting in the back (me, in undergrad) just absolutely cannot stand. You know the type.

7. Kayla and I talk everyday on our lunch breaks.

8. A family member told us at a wedding last weekend that she had never seen two people who thought the other was so funny. Making Kayla laugh is one of my favorite things to do, and she makes me laugh everyday.

9. Kayla will watch Oregon Vs. Louisville in the Sweet 16 if I will watch Lindsey Vs. Catherine on the Bachelor.

10. We watch Family Feud with Steve Harvey almost every night... and we are not ashamed of this. One day we will win fast money.